5 o’clock window

Walking down the street,
I see an ordinary:

broad shoulders
hard jawline
flat chest
rutted abs
5 o’clock shadow.

I pass a window
and see a foreign:

wide birthing hips
small nose
slim wrists
round face
prominent chest.

my worst nightmare every morning
when I feel sick and throw up
just from my reflection.

Trapped in a body that
I refuse to believe is mine.
Can’t live with it,
can’t live without it.

Every second
of every minute
of every day
is a marathon,
a waiting game.
watch me hit the wall.

Only 1095 marathons left.
and no retries for
a body I can call my own.




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3 responses to “5 o’clock window

  1. Wow. In all the angst, confusion and pain your eloquence shone through and I get this unmistakable feeling that it has saved you, and will save you. I can only guess at what you’re really going through, but if you keep writing, I’ll keep reading.

    “It is pointless being less than all we can be.”
    – Nick Bantock

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