Tag Archives: blogging

Back on the blogging bus

I’m a wreck, and I need to get it together. I haven’t written in forever, and I think that’s a big part of it. My head is so mixed up that I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll start by trying to figure out how I got here.

This track season wasn’t the best. I came off of a really good cross country season (A few races around 18:30-19 min) and was hoping to do really well in track. Long story short, got injured and only raced a few times the last few weeks of the season, missing qualifying for nationals by 4 seconds. It was okay, I regrouped and focused on training for the summer.

I’m in Switzerland for the summer, and kind of got carried away the first couple weeks I was here. I may or may not have run a mountainous half-marathon. I may or may not have won with a pretty good time. And I may or may not have royally rucked up my Achilles in the process. So I took some time off and cross trained and dropped my mileage. It’s stressing me out right now because I should be at 60-70 miles per week, but I’m not. But it’s more important to be healthy, so I dropped off for a week, ran 27 the next week and I hit 40 this week. It’s good progress, but I’m paying really close attention to my Achilles.

Since I dropped my mileage so much I started cross training and lifting more weights. I also started following a bit stricter diet (higher protein, less crap). In theory, it would be fine, seeing as I have a goal weight for the fall when XC starts up again. In theory. In reality, I started binge-eating because my body was craving more something, and then I started eating when I wasn’t even hungry. And now I just feel like shit and even more stressed.

I also have dermatillomania. Wow, I’ve never actually said/wrote that before. It fucking sucks. I’ve been picking since I was about 10-11 (about the time I started struggling with being trans) and I loathe how out of control it makes me feel. I tried again and again to stop these last two weeks and the harder I try the worse it gets. It feels like I’ll never be able to get control of it, but I’m determined.

Today, I was laying in bed, feeling puffy from too much salt (I had two lbs of trail mix in two days :/ ), bloated from too much everything, and my face looked (still looks) like a train/lawn aeration device ran over it. I thought, Transiteration, you’re a disaster. You’ve got to get it together.

So this is where I’m at. I realize that I need to start blogging, and not for anyone but me.  I’m going to write crazy stuff, boring stuff, weird stuff, any kind of stuff, and that’s that. Half of the time it’s probably not going to make any sense. But I need to get it out because it’s eating me from the inside. Working abroad for the summer makes everything a bit lonelier and harder to deal with. I gotta take care of myself.

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Self-Made Man – Nora Vincent

 

Last night I was a tad bit bored and since I had no plans on a Friday night I decided to drive around. Can you believe how late bookstores are open? 9 or 10 pm! I looked for the book Parrotfish, by Ellen Wittlinger. The used bookstore had a few shelves of LGBT stuff, and a couple of her books were there, but not Parrotfish. I picked another book, Self-Made Man, out because it looked interesting. (On a side note, I just now realized that Half Price Books actually means half price. The book was $7.50 as opposed to an original $15.00. Yes, you can call me captain obvious…) 

I went to a new bookstore hoping to find Parrotfish, but to no avail. They did have, however, at least 70 shelves of Christian literature. All I can say is welcome to Oklahoma! I’m not sure my hometown would be much different though. I may just have to order that book online.

Well, the book is extremely insightful to say the least! You can find a summary here. The premise is that a women, who also happens to be gay, disguises herself as a man, and lives in male-dominated atmospheres for more than a year. As a transguy, this gives a lot of insight to gender differences – the manner of talking, acting, interacting, and in essence, being. I still think it’s incredible (and I’m a bit jealous) that she was able to pass so well. Maybe if I weren’t a lanky cross country runner and worked on my voice I might be able to be stealth more often than I am now. One can certainly dream.

Even though the author isn’t transgender, her experiences still give a glimpse into how life will change after I start HRT. I’m not quite finished with the book, but it is so well written and intellectually intriguing that I couldn’t wait to write about it. Actually I’m so hopeful that other people will read it too, if they haven’t already, that I would like to do a pass-it-forward kind of thing. 

If you’re interested in reading this book (when I’m finished,) contact me. If you give me an address to send it to I will do so! Each person that reads it can sign hir wordpress (or other website) username in the cover and pass it on. All I ask is that the new person blog about what they thought of the book and do a pingback to the previous person so we can track everywhere it’s been! Hope that made sense and that someone’s interested…

Cheers, peeps.

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If I were an Oscar Meyer wiener…

Pardon me, but I need a moment to rant.

Every day, I have been hearing more and more people saying “was” instead of “were” when they talk in the subjunctive mood. I’m not sure why it, of all things, drive me up a wall, but it does.

When I was working at the ICC (a computer literacy building) for a day, the teacher was having the student write poems. Each poem was written online, on a poem template. Each poem started with the word “If.” The theme of the poems was “becoming a rockstar,” and I kid you not, every single elementary school kid in there started his/her/zir poem “If I was a rockstar…”

It killed me a bit inside, and after class I talked to my professor. (By the way, this happened at my college!) You’d think that at an institution that respects academia would try to propagate intelligence, and correct usage of the English language.

Anyway, I talked to my professor and she said she would talk to the people running the program. I don’t know if she did or not, but all I know is that when I went in to volunteer for the actual program (not just the training part) the teacher didn’t even address the grammar error. In fact, she even had the error in her sample poem. How can we expect kids to learn correct grammar and usage if we aren’t even teaching it to them properly??

I hear this error too in everyday conversation and it drive me nuts. I can barely focus on what someone is saying because I’m so hung up on the glaring error in said person’s subjunctive mood.

I think becoming lackadaisical in our conversation makes it harder for us to adhere to conventions in our writing.

Yes, I know that I make errors sometimes. I human, and everyone is human. But seeing the same mistake so universally, to the point that people question whether am saying it right, makes me kind of frustrated. I also would rather people point out my grammatical misteaks instead of just skimming over them.

Do you have any grammar pet peeves? Do you think that we, as educated people, should make an effort to talk with correct grammar? Or do you consider talking and writing two different domains?

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A request for help with PFLAG presentation ideas

PFLAG. Incessant blogging. I’m aware these topics don’t have much to do with each other, but neither alone would make a very interesting post, so I’m combining them into one long not very interesting post.

I’ve been blogging every day this year. Some nights it’s been after midnight, but since it’s before I go to sleep I still count it. Slacker, slacker, I know. For years, I’ve been wanting to have a journal or something, just to be able to remember stuff better. I think we can learn a lot from out younger selves. My problem is that I could never get any consistency. So this blog is an experiment. I’m seeing what a year of writing, something, anything, down everyday will do to my outlook on life and demeanor. Maybe by the end of the year I’ll have written so much that I’ll figure out something new about myself. Maybe I’ll meet someone that could do the same.

I suppose a profuse apology is in order. I’m sure all ya’ll don’t appreciate seeing random shit on your dash every day. But this blog is just as much for me. If anyone else can gain something from it, then it makes my efforts just a bit more worthwhile. I do plan to start organizing everything under headings though, and have tabs at the top. I guess I didn’t realize that sticking to the plan involves 365 posts by the end of the year, making it a bit hard to sort through.

In other news, the monthly PFLAG meeting was tonight. Our chapter is about a year old, so the base is still getting solidified. I’ve begun to realize that even when people are open and accepting, the majority of people don’t really have a clear understanding of trans-related issues. For many people I meet, I am the first transperson they’ve ever gotten to know. Today I offered to do a presentation on that sort of stuff, to help educate people. The next meeting is in a month, and if I don’t do it then, I’ll do it in two months. This means I have a decent amount of time to prepare a kick-ass presentation.

My plan so far is to:

  • include an overview of trans* identities, along with common terms/ideas (which ones would be most important?)
  • do a line chart for everyone to fill out showing the difference between gender identity, expression, orientation and sex assigned at birth
  • maybe start and end with poetry or short writings to give insight of what it’s like being trans
  • put in a “how not to talk to transpeople” (and better alternatives) section, making it kind of light-hearted and funny, but at the same time presenting valid points

Do you all have any ideas on what I could add to the presentation? I’d really like input, both from trans peeps and allies alike. What do you wish you knew, or were less ignorant of? What do you wish people knew so you don’t have to explain time and time again?

Cheers peeps, til tomorrow.

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Transiteration

I noticed someone searched “what does transiteration mean” and stumbled upon my page. It might have been a typo, but if not, I wanted to explain the meaning of my blog. When I was creating it, I wanted to think for a long time so I could make sure that what I came up with was what I would want to stick with. And I know I accomplished that.

Basically, there’s two parts; trans and iteration.

Trans means across, beyond, or on the opposite side. It is a reference to my identity of being female to male transgender.

Iteration is a repetition of a process with the aim of approaching a desired goal or target.

I am attempting to find myself and what makes my life most fulfilling, through my interactions and relationships with others. This takes many tries – sometimes something stereotypically male feels uncomfortable so I ditch it, and sometimes it feels second-nature.

My goal, or target, is to express myself and though it will take time to be in alignment with my true identity, I have confidence it’ll be worth it. Transiteration is my journey.

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A New Year, a New Direction

So. This whole last year has been unreal. I came out to a lot of people –  my parents, family, friends, professors, coach.. somehow made it to nationals in cross country, luck really. I an determined to give it my all this year in running. I somehow managed to have two 4.0+ semesters, and adopted a minor.. spent two months on the other side of the country. I’ve struggled a lot, but came through it in the end. I’ve been given a lot of opportunities this year and found a lot of supportive people that overshadow the difficult moments.  It was perhaps the most dynamic semester yet. I’ve felt the lowest ever in my life and felt some of the highest. I really wish I had written a journal or taken some sort of note on my life over the years so I could remember the details and my perspective. It’s something I really regret. I can’t change the past, but I can work on the future.

I’ve ran anywhere from 2-14 miles every day save one since mid-August. I want to put that same consistency towards blogging, and make a blog post every day for the next year.

During the last month or so I’ve been really thinking about where I want my blog to go. I have a very few lovely followers, but I’m really doing this blog for myself.. all parts of myself. Since I’m not a single-faceted person there’s no way I can cater to a single audience and because of that I may never have very many followers. I’d rather show the full me to a few people than one piece to many people.

That said, I want my blog to be an interesting and never ending home. I’ll of course post about transitioning and being trans because that is such a big and difficult part of my life right now. But I’ll also post about running, my experiences of being a collegiate athlete in a difficult major, poetry. Maybe short stories or satire, even lists. I’ll probably comment on some news articles or science articles, maybe music. I definitely want to incorporate more pictures, and maybe a couple videos.. talk about others in a more positive way, or at least acknowledge their perspective.

By writing about my experiences I hope to come across others with similar backgrounds.

There will be something different every day.

If you think I might be interested in your blog and want me to check it out, just comment anywhere! Stay safe the end of this holiday season and tell yourself something nice. You are loved.

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